Everyone's Guide to Not being an Old Person

What RW says

A tongue-in-cheek guide to why some people behave like old folks.

We all know someone older than we are. Some of us even have parents who might fit that description. There are also folks out there you might describe as ‘old people’.
Anyone can become an old person (OP), but what turns a perfectly level-headed human into an OP? We all get older, and at some point we might be worried about changing into an OP ourselves, or we may merely feel the need to mock someone who is displaying the symptoms.
This is a tongue-in-cheek manual for everyone; how to behave if you are an old person, how not to behave if you want to resist becoming an old person, or how really have some fun mocking an old person.
Alas there is no secret to eternal youth revealed here (perhaps in the next study, due in 2090) but if you know what to look out for, you are in with a chance of a longer life; you will become to realise that getting old is not inevitable and if you really want to, can be avoided like a plague of boiled sweets (you know the ones).
If you know an (OP), this is to help you in spotting the standard behaviors. If you are thinking of becoming an OP, this is a guide as to how to do that and make sure you do it most efficiently, and if you are someone who knows an old person and wants to poke fun at them, then this gives you all the ammunition, but make sure you read it yourself first to avoid having to make your own dinner for a week.
Finally, at the end, just when you thought it was safe to put the malty drink in the saucepan, there is a highly-researched (not) quiz for you (or them) to take to find out what your (or their) true age really is.

What the Readers Say

"This is a hilarious satirical observation of the 'older person' (OP) and, let's face it, if we're lucky enough, we will all get there one day.
In much the same way as we develop from infancy to adulthood, displaying predictable and common behaviour, so the author has depicted how, as as an OP, we can become set in our ways, entrenched in rituals, steeped in selfishness and develop a passion for monumental moaning. The tongue-in-cheek humour is just brilliant, provoking side splitting laughter."

"A very funny uncomplicated read with universal appeal unless of course you live in a secluded haven for the under 25s. Wingfield gently pokes fun at the attitudes and mannerisms of older people and I guarantee you will recognise most if not all of them. There is even a handy quiz at the back of the book to check you're not slipping into the ways of old people prematurely.
In the supermarket - "You should pick up each item, fumble with your 'specs' and then read all the ingredients in detail. The activity will mean that you can completely hide that part of the shelf from any passers-by and slow the general flow."
An entertaining book packed full of similar observations which I thoroughly enjoyed."